Change: Deep Roots of Dysfunction

In my last post, I talked about people who lack hope and fear whether they can be helped. There are others, however, who don’t ask if they can be helped.

They often come off as cocky, even self-righteous, in their maladaptive behavior. It can sound like this:

• This stuff is gonna kill me. At least I’ll go happy.
• People always know my opinion. It’s how I was raised.
• I can’t help how angry I get. They should know better than to upset me.
• I am irresponsible. I wish I wasn’t. I just am though.
• This is just how I am. I’m not changing.
• I’m not meant to be in a relationship. It’s better if I’m alone.
• I like to make people happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.

The longer we stay in dysfunction, the deeper the roots. The maladaptive behavior is explained, excused, blamed, or rationalized. It can be hard to offer them compassion.

They are so attached to feeling crappy, they just don’t see a way out. They believe it’s hopeless. While change is less probable, it is still possible. There’s always hope.

The less lovable among us, often those who are more rooted in their dysfunction, have a greater need for acceptance from us. Find the balance between enabling and judging.

Rather than trying to change those deeply rooted in their dysfunction, change how you respond to them.