January 30th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Vulnerable   

“I don’t like being vulnerable. It makes me feel like I’m weak.” 

It’s a common belief, a myth, that being vulnerable is weak or makes you look weak. The opposite is actually true.

Weak is not being able to withstand harm, while being vulnerable means you are open to it. It doesn’t mean you will be harmed; it simply means that you believe the relationship, yourself, or the other person is worth the risk.

I am not suggesting being a martyr or allowing yourself to be abused. However, if you experience painful emotions, it doesn’t mean the relationship is abusive.

All abusive relationships are unhealthy, but all unhealthy relationships are not abusive.

When we’re vulnerable, we expose ourselves to pain, but we also expose ourselves to love, joy, and peace. It’s a choice that demonstrates our strength.

“I know I may get hurt, but I can find a way through it. The relationship is worth the risk.”

When unhealthy relationships heal, vulnerability is the strength that’s needed.

Tough Love

January 14th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Tough Love   

Whether someone you love has an addiction, you’re trying to raise a teen without going crazy, or you just have a bunch of people who take advantage of you, tough love is often misunderstood.

It isn’t about holding them accountable, stating the obvious, or thinking it is mean to set boundaries. They know they’re making mistakes, they know there are other options, and they know you love them.

It’s often said in anger or tears, “They just don’t care!” However, they likely do care — they just care more about getting what they want rather than doing what you want.

When the people you love are hurting themselves, it’s tough to let them have their lives. It’s easier to be indifferent, personally wounded, or angry. It’s harder to remember that their problem is their problem to solve; it’s not about you, it’s about them.

Tough love is hard.

Give As You’re Able

January 8th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Give As You’re Able   

People need help. Giving to others is just good to do. It helps us get over ourselves.

We just finished the Season of Giving. Deciding from all the worthwhile causes isn’t easy. Here are things we consider.


  • Try to sell or manipulate us.
  • Add us to your mailing lists. If we gave to you freely, don’t start asking now!
  • Tell us we are special, important, valued, or significant. We get it.


  • Treat us respectfully.
  • Be transparent. Tell us what you do, your purpose, and we’ll decide if we want to support it.
  • Use the money wisely to help people. We get that you have to pay for salaries, lights, etc. Be smart.
  • Let a simple, “Thanks for the help,” be sufficient.

If you’re being told that you’ll get something in return for a donation, run! We stop reading, turn off the tv, or close the web browser. Good liars suck you in to buying their load of crap. It’s wrong, but it happens. Try to learn from it.

There are still good people who need help. Find them.