More Like Others Than You Know

Although our lives are sometimes messy, we often have more in common with others than we recognize.

People have asked me, “How do you do that? You described exactly what I feel, but I’ve not told you that much. How do you understand me so well?”

I remind them that while they are special, they aren’t that special. I don’t know that much, but I do recognize and understand patterns of behavior. Their comments demonstrate hope that things can improve.

At the other end of the continuum, I’ve had people get pretty upset and direct it toward me personally, “There’s no way you understand. You can’t figure me out that easily!”

They are somewhat correct. I spoke too quickly. I failed to recognize their belief that they are that different. I missed their need to be heard. Their comments demonstrate lesser hope that things can improve.

I can get so anxious for them to have hope that I lose patience. When people recognize that their life contains shared experiences and feelings, it tends to remove a sense of isolation, validates their experience, and improves self-esteem.

Learning that you aren’t alone or that others understand is one of the most effective tools to help people get unstuck. My role is to point out things that they may not be able to recognize, or to offer a different perspective on their situation.

Yes, everyone matters. They just don’t matter more than anybody else. You are not alone.