Trust and Regret

Most of us understand regret. “Why did I do that? I’m so mad at myself!” We know what we did. We recognize that it was avoidable. We can’t undo it. 

When the mistake was trusting someone who you later discover is not worthy of being trusted, the regret is more complex.

“Why did I do that? I’m so mad at myself for trusting them!” It creates an emotional mess! You trusted. The trust was betrayed. The anger gets turned at them and ourselves. It just gets all twisted up.  

When someone lies, their intent is to get what they want and deception is how they do it. They care about their needs. When they are exposed as deceptive, they may be sorry, sorry they were caught, continue to lie, or justify their actions. Regardless if the behavior was rooted in being malicious, stupid, self-centered, or self-righteous, we trusted them.

We trusted. Once we know, we may judge ourselves for having missed it. “How did I not see it?” Give yourself a break. Everything is clear when it’s out in the open. 

Remember, the deception was not an accident. It was intentional. Our trust gave them power to influence us, and that includes the power to deceive. 

To swing to the opposite extreme and pull ourselves back from trusting is not the answer. Life is about trusted relationship: being an influence to others and being influenced by others.

It sucks to feel regret. However, we can learn from it. 

What can I learn about myself from this betrayal? Were there indicators present that I didn’t want to acknowledge as possibly true? How can I gain wisdom about who I give my trust to in the future?